Don't Go (The Infernal Devices)

The boy coughed again and Will winced.  He couldn't stand it. He hated not knowing which breath would be his best friend's last. Will wriggled in his chair and glanced at the silver haired boy who was tossing restlessly in his sleep.

"Is he going to be okay?" Tessa's soft voice floated in from the hallway and Will felt his heart ache.

He shook his head. "I don't know Tess..."

Tessa came in further and knelt beside Jem, putting a hand on his forehead. "He's burning up..."

Will fought back the tears that he was so used to hiding.  There was nothing he could say to her. He was watching his brother and her husband die, and he couldn't find any comforting words.

Tessa looked at him out of the corner of her eye as she smoothed back Jem's silver hair. Her breath was shaking slightly and her eyes were shining with unshed tears. She was being strong.

"Tess," Will buried his head in his hands and took deep breaths.

"Will..." Tessa put her hand on the dark haired boy's shoulder but he shrugged her off. "Will... Go out," she whispered.

Will looked up at her. His eyes were red but no tears fell.

"You can't stay in here forever," Tessa smiled sadly.

Will wiped his eyes on the back of his hand and stood up. He cleared his throat and racked his brains for something to say. He took one last look at Jem. He seemed to get paler and paler by the second. What little colour his cheeks had possessed was now gone completely. Will took one more deep breath and left the room. He trudged out of the institute, not bothering to grab his jacket. He almost let out a sigh of relief as the cold rained slapped into him. Tessa was right. He couldn't stay in that room. It smelt like sickness and death. Not that anyone had died in there. Yet. Will sighed and willed his legs to move, carrying him forward in an unknown direction.

"William..." Magnus answered the door, not showing even the slightest bit of surprise. The Warlock had known that Will was coming, even though Will hadn't known it himself.
Will looked up from his feet in surprise. Magnus' glowing cat eyes seemed to bore holes in him and his hair stuck up in all directions. Of course, Will thought, he would have been asleep.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he said quietly and turned to leave unsure of how he got to the Warlock's house in the first place.

"How is he?" Magnus asked and Will froze.

"I should get back to him..."

"But you came here for a reason didn't you?" Magnus was staring at him curiously and Will once again found himself lost for words.

"I don't... yes, I suppose..." He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "I was just wondering whether... maybe I am cursed after all..."

Magnus sighed at looked at the dark haired boy standing in the doorway, soaking wet.

"I must get back," Will looked at his feet again. He knew it wasn't true. He knew there was no curse. "I'm sorry for disturbing you."

"It's quite alright..." Magnus frowned in confusion and stared after the boy as he trudged away.

Will stopped as he came back out onto the main road, turning his face up to the sky. The tears spilt over as the rain hit his face. No one could tell that he was crying, so he let it all go. He preferred to cry out here than in there where Tessa would see him. Why had he gone to see Magnus? The truth was, part of him almost wished that he was cursed. It would give an explanation as to why his parabatai was dying. It gave Will someone to blame... Someone that he could get angry with anyway. Jem was dying because he had a heart. Yes, that was far better than the truth. Before he had found out that he wasn't cursed, Will would have blamed himself without hesitation. After all, he had let Jem love him.

Will trudged into the institute, dripping wet. He stopped as he entered and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He put his hands in his hair and ruffled it, letting the water droplets fly. Will went straight to Jem's room, taking a huge gulp of air before he entered. Tess sat on the side of the bed, one hand on the sickly boy's cheek and the other gently stroking a violin. Jem's violin.

"How does he do it Will?" Tessa asked without looking up.

"How does he what?"

"How does he create such beautiful music? I hold this violin and nothing special happens... when Jem plays, it is like magic," she frowned down at the violin in confusion.

Will shook his head and went over to her. "You need to rest Tess."

The girl looked up. Her eyes were red and she looked as if she hadn't slept in months. She nodded, but did not stand. She looked back at her husband, remembering the way he used to smile, the way her heart skipped a beat when he took her hand. He didn't smile anymore. Not even in his dreams. A tear slid down her cheek as Tessa gathered up her skirts and stood.

"He'll be here when you get back," Will whispered. "I promise... Just go sleep."

"Tell me if he wakes up," Tessa hiccupped and left the room.

Will knelt down beside his best friend. "Please don't leave me James. I need you. Don't go," every word was a whisper. Every word Will forced out was agony.

Jem moaned in his sleep and his breath seemed to get stuck in his throat.

"No Jem please!" Will grabbed the boy's hand. "Please don't leave me alone! I can't be alone again!" Will pressed Jem's cold hand to his cheeks and let tears trickly down them.

Jem was shaking. He was too cold and too hot all at once and his skin shined with sweat. His face was now almost gray. Definitely not the colour somebody's face should be.

Jem mumbled something and Will looked up. The boy's silvery eyes shone in the dull light. "Will..." his voice was weak, barely audible. His chest heaved as he tried to draw breath and the little air he managed to suck in made a wheezing sound.

Will smiled sadly. "It's okay Jem..." Will breathed, squeezing Jem's hand. "I'm here."

"Will you...." Jem couldn't get the words out. His eyelids drooped and he coughed again. He put a skeletal hand to his mouth and once he stopped coughing, it came away, stained with red.

Will knew what his parabatai was trying to ask. "Yes Jem... I'll stay with you."

Jem seemed to relax a bit, sighing and closing his eyes. "Tell Tessa... I love her..."

The words stung. Jem never knew. Never knew how Will felt. "Of course," Will tried not to start crying again.

Another cough racked his slender frame. Jem gasped for air and gripped Will's hand with all of his remaining strength. More coughing. So much coughing. Jem's eyes watered, tears racing down his cheeks. He couldn't find the strength to keep his eyes open.

"Don't let go of my hand Jem," Will sniffled.

Jem gave his hand a comforting squeeze, as if to say 'I'm not going anywhere'.
Will took a shaky breath and watched as the boy's face relaxed. His grip on Will's hand loosened and he slipped away.


Jem died that night. He just stopped. When Tessa came in to see how he was, she found Will  holding the pale, skinny boy in his arms, tears streaming down his face, not making a sound and rocking back and forth. His eyes had been red and swollen. Tessa had never thought that she would see Will like that. He had let the walls break down.

Tessa had all but collapsed onto the floor and curled into a ball. Tears flooded down her cheeks. She couldn't see and everything hurt.

After a while Will stood up. Without saying anything, he took the box that contained Jem's medicine and hurled it out the window. He let out a scream. It was a scream that sounded somewhere between outrage and agony. He crashed to his knees next to Tessa and she stared at him, blinking away the tears.

He looked up at her from in under strands of his black hair. He no longer cried. He promised himself that he would never cry again. Jem wouldn't have liked it.

Tessa reached out and took Will's hand.

Will leaned back against the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Tess wriggled closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder, trying to calm down. She squeezed Will's hand and closed her eyes, taking yet another shaky breath.

And they stayed like that. Silent and shivering as the cold wind blew in through the window. Neither daring to look at the dead boy on the bed. Neither trusting themselves to speak. They just sat there until morning came and they had to face the bitter truth.